Tuesday, December 25, 2007

for everyone

I know that Christmas isn't everyone's holiday but love and celebration belong to all people, everywhere.

May you be happy.
May you be free from suffering.
May you have light and love in your life.
May there be peace and joy throughout the lands!

Loka Samastha Sukino Bhavantu.



Wednesday, December 12, 2007

apples and oranges

I will not be unkind or speak ill here because I don't like the idea of the internet being an open forum to spew venomous opinions. However, being back to teaching in SF has officially killed the buzz that New York gave me. I can admit it: I'm an addict. Yes, I'm addicted to the warmth and joy and curiosity and excitement that New Yorkers bring to their mat. Frankly I'm not sure why you'd come to the mat without those things. I keep waiting for that "tremendous" feeling that's supposed to behind the letting go... And I know that there's some resistance on my part, but there's plenty coming from the other side. Teaching to love brings out love. Why would I want to teach to anything else? And I don't mean love for me, but love of life and the practice of becoming your best and True Self. I know that nothing will ever keep me from my own practice and my own path but I fear that my new surroundings have the potential to make me step away from sharing the practice I love so much.

Abhyasa Vairagyabhyam Tan-nirodhah (Sutra I.12)

The movements of the mind are stilled through consistent practice and non-attachment to the outcome.

Saturday, December 08, 2007

empty space

I'm staying with friends in my building while I'm back in New York because my apartment is empty and on the market. My friends have a beautiful 8 month old daughter - she's like a little Sita. Since I'm out at Nataraj Yoga in Port Washington today my practice was one of the first orders of the day. I got out of their way and went down to practice in my place. Talk about freaky. Laying my mat in the spot where it lay for years was really the only thing that felt familiar in my empty space. That aprtment is so clearly not where I live anymore. It was almost like today's practice was some sort of farewell: a coda to the final movement of my New York Suite.

Friday, December 07, 2007

yogi on the run

I'm trying to decide if it always felt like this, or if it's just because I've been away for the last few months. Did I run around this much while I was living here? Did it wear me down like this, and I've just blocked it out? Or is it because I'm getting around on foot and carrying so much stuff? I don't know. But being a yogi on the run feels a little less than good right now. That being said, at least every time I stop running I'm in the company of amazing people who make it all worth it.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

surgery

I had my MRI earlier this week. It confirms the suspicions: I have a tear in my right medial meniscus. I'm planning to have surgery early in the year (February or March). Hopefully it won't put me out of commission for too long.

back where it all began

I'm in New York for a few days doing some teaching. It was fantastic to be at LLNYC tonight, sharing class with everyone. There was such an outpouring of love welcoming me back, and it was a real blast to teach the nYc family again. I'm constantly struck by how the community at LLNYC consistently shows up ready, willing and open to everything. This isn't home any more but it's certainly good to be back.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

under the knife?

I finally went to the Orthopedist at Kaiser Permanete yesterday about my knee. The pain has become more of a recurring character than I would like so it's time to do something about it. I'm not sure if that will be surgery yet, though if that means no more pain I think it's worth it. I'll find out more after they put me in the giant magnet later this week.

That's one of the sides of the practice rarely talked about. I move my body a lot and am constantly exploring the fullest range of movement possibilities. As a result there's a likelihood of joints and ligaments giving out more so than if I wasn't practicing. Does that mean I won't continue to have a dynamic practice? Doubtful. I continue to enjoy mixing it up so that not every day has to be all about the asana or the flow. It makes me think about those passages in the Hatha Yoga Pradipaka that say things like "one need only practice asana-x" or when poses are dedicated to a particular sage, suggesting that was the only pose that he practiced. Some days a shape is enough.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

who dat?

I was in New Orleans last weekend, teaching at Wild Lotus Yoga. It was exactly what the Cosmic Doctor ordered. It felt great to practice in the warm, humid NOLA fall, and it's such a wonderful community of yogis down in the bayou. My body and mind were fed and refreshed. If you're ever there, you absolutely must drop in to experience their beautiful bhav. On the last night I had the privilege to jam with members of the Wild Lotus band. What a gift to be in the company of other bhaktis. Thanks and praise to you Sean, to you and your fabulous family of yogis.

Om Pavana Suta Hanumana ki Jai!

Saturday, October 06, 2007

gimme what I need

The new center is open! Last night we had a full house, buzzing with old and new friends and family. It was great, except for the fact that I lost my voice. Oy. Not good timing. Not surprising with the stress and being overextended. Swaha. It was/is so bad that I wasn't sure I'd even be able to teach this morning. Somehow, by the grace of someone I had just enough voice to teach the very first class at Laughing Lotus San Francisco. Now my voice is gone again.

It was lovely to teach again! And people showed up! Really great people. For the first time since arriving in California, I feel completely like myself. I've always known that I love to teach but I'm not sure I realized just how much I NEED to teach. I'm okay with that.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

could those be roots I feel?

I've been up and down ladders and scooting around dusty floors with a paintbrush in hand for the last week, helping to ready Laughing Lotus San Francisco. It's been tremendously rewarding being a part of the sub-molecular gestation of the new center. However, I'll be happy when we're finished. Not just because my body is beginning to object but because I'm ready to start teaching again. I miss it - it's been almost two months! I've never been away from teaching for so long. I know teaching will get the ball rolling on everything else too: it means I'll meet people and begin to form more of a sense of community. It's also a creative outlet for me, and I know it will get my deeper creative juices flowing again. Can't wait.

I'm back to shaking it up and out on my mat as well. It took a little while to feel at home in my new space but it's finally starting to feel like I can dance my own dance again. Probably helped that the clothes finally came off today. For some reason I've been apprehensive to practice naked here. Maybe because I live on a street with little houses, and I was/maybe still am convinced that the neighbors might be able to see in. So, I kept the blinds closed this morning - not ideal, since I'd like to enjoy the CA morning sun. But that took care of that concern and freed up the whole experience. Maybe tomorrow I won't keep the blinds closed. Besides who cares if the neighbors can see? Isn't part of the practice reveling in the glory of what God has crated and given us? If they're looking...well that's on them. Maybe they'll be inspired to unshackle themselves in some new way. Who knows?

Speaking of unshackling, I went to a class in Berkeley last week. I'm trying to be open. I think that will have to it's own post. For now I'll just say that I'll be glad when I'm able to share classes with my LL family again.

Friday, September 14, 2007

stop, look, and listen

Most days I'm unwilling to speculate or pinpoint what yoga has "taught" me. More often than not the inquiry has more to do with whether or not I can put my feet behind my head (yes, I can). But the most profound teaching that I have found in the yoga is: Stop, Look, and Listen. It isn't in any book but it is in the everyday, be-here-completely-in-the-moment (yet to be written) handbook.

I'm up early today waiting from a call from the east coast, clicking around the net and slowly getting motivated for the day. During a pause between clicks, I looked up to see a hummingbird having a restful moment (just sitting there) in the magnolia tree outside my window. What a great gift for the morning.

The magic happens in the spaces of life. Movement is special but we have to stop from time to time to receive the gifts, to allow our senses to take in all that magic we so often miss while we're clicking or whatever-ing. My beloved voice teacher, Margery, used to say: The difference between the student and the artist is that the artist doesn't fear the silence. I'm sure there's a way to relate that to the yogi and the master (or guru or mahayogi) but... why?

Now the question is, will I be attached and expect to see a still hummingbird in that magnolia tree again? Hmm.

Jai!

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

reduced

I'm in California, right? I'm so amazed at how chilly it can be here in the Sunshine State. Most days (of the two weeks I've been here) the clouds burn off around noon and the temperature goes up. Oy, not today. As I prepared to get on my mat I was so chilled that not only did I put on a long-sleeve shirt and long pants, but I felt the need to turn on a space heater. In September. Am I reduced to having to heat the room just to practice? God, I hope it hasn't come to that.

out of the mud

After a month filled with becoming an ordained minister, getting married, packing in New York, driving cross-country with my beloved, our dog and cat, and unpacking in Oakland, I'm finally finding some sort of rhythm and a semblance of practice again.

During that month, there was hardly an asana in sight. At first it was difficult but as the days fell away, so did the attachment. Most days if I could find a moment at my alter, I was happy. If I could throw in a squat or a headstand, even better. The letting go... tremendous.

I gave myself over to the situation (which was all good) and simply made time for some quiet. I began nibbling at The Gospel of Sri Ramakrishna and the Narada Bhakti Sutras. The absence of asana gave me the space to expand my heart and the non-linear portion of my brain.

That all being said, now that my home sanctuary is set up I'm happily rolling out my mat again every day. The great gift on the other side of a month like the last one is the fact that the quiet I created is still part of my daily journey. Along with my mantras - Ganesh, Hanuman, Shiva, Kali, Gayatri, yamas and niyamas - pranayama, asana and meditation, I'm still spending time with Sri Ramakrishna and chanting from the Bhakti sutras every day. My daily practice actually feels like it has expanded from the hiatus from asana. Oh the letting go.

Who knows what the life of a yogi in (sometimes sunny) California will be. The SF Laughing Lotus blossoms on October 5, and I'm sure being back at teaching in a new city is going to inject something new and exciting into my practice. Only time...

Jai!

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

off the grid


If Gov. Jon Corzine can say, 'No,' to e-mail, can the rest of us? I was just listening to David Shipley discuss his thoughts about it on NPR's All Things Considered (listen). Gov. Corzine isn't stepping away from e-mail, Blackberrys, and the like for any spiritual reasons. He's doing so, siting concerns for his privacy. Oh, you politicians. A little renunciation would probably do you good.

This is my fantasy. I dream about being off the 'grid'. There are so many days when I long for the time when I was less reachable, when communication and gratification were less immediate. I'm convinced we would rediscover patience. Of course, I'm a self-described quasi-reclusive homebody (who sometimes writes a blog... hmm), and I know I'm in the minority on this one. I've accepted the reality that once you're on, you're on. As long as you have a credit card, you're going to get junk mail. As long as you have an e-mail account, you're going to get spam. As long as you have a phone, it's going vibrate. It's hard (though not impossible) to suddenly turn it all off and step away from the way that most of the 1st and 2nd world communicates with each other. I have a couple ideas, thanks to my friend Patty, that I might put into play very soon.

Amma told a story the other night about a man who meets a great master. The man is surprised to find that the master has no possessions. It made me think of a Rumi poem. We're all just guests and renters in this world. It goes right along with my fantasy and the feelings I'm having while packing up my... possessions (almost wrote 'life'). I've acquired a lot of stuff, and as I'm packing I find myself wanting to toss most of it. Isn't less, more? Every time I'm in Costa Rica in my little one-room hermitage (no cell, no computer, no cable) where everything I own can fit under the bed, it just feels so right. What if New York City (or Oakland) could feel that way?

more packing than practice

It's a busy time. Getting married and moving to California (all in the same month) means not nearly as much time on the mat as I'd like. The time I do have feels likes such a gift. Ah, the letting go. Showing up for my classes in these final days of my New York life is pretty tremendous, and they are truly the highlight of the day. I will miss the NYC yoga community!

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Amma!


Amma is in town!
Three days of public programs will be held in New York between July 11 and 13.


Public Programs - July 11, 12 & 13 (morning & evening)



Jai Ma!

Monday, July 09, 2007

new twist on a good tale


Check out Nina Paley's version of the Ramayana, the Sitayama (or Sita Sings the Blues). I think the episodes she has up so far are brilliant!

Ask and you shall receive

I've had a little experience this year with asking and receiving, with the whole moving to Toronto-moving to Oakland switch-eroo. And I was reminded that you can't ever get what you want unless you ask for it. So when Amy P. suggested that I post my playlists so she could see what I'd played in class, how could I refuse?

in the sunshine (for Ali) (6/28)
1. M'Bifo - Rokia Traoré
2. Spiritual Revolution - Shelley Nicole's Blakbüshe
3. It's Good to Be Here - Digable Planet's
4. Living For the City - Stevie Wonder
5. In The Sunshine - Arrested Development
6. Afro-Harping (Car Craig Remix) - Dorothy Ashby
7. Flyin' High in the Brooklyn Sky - Digable Planets
8. Soul Vibrations - Dorothy Ashby
9. California - Joni Mitchell
10. Real to Me - Shelley Nicole's Blakbüshe
11. Dial 7 (Axioms Of Creamy Spies) - Digable Planets
12. Bowmboï - Rokia Traoré
13. Gone to California - P!nk
14. I Told Jesus - Roberta Flack

there will be more.

Jai Lakshmi Ma!

Thursday, March 08, 2007

facing reality : deconstructing illusion & living fully in the real world

Here's another bit of wisdom from the archives of Swami Radha. Enjoy.

Jai Ma!

**************************************************

Cosmic consciousness exists as pure energy vibrating in space. Known as Sakti in its diversity, this power becomes maya – usually interpreted as “illusion” – when we forget that the Light is present, only covered by the clouds of our emotions and ignorance. Maya is like adding colour to water, creating the idea of duality.


Who has accepted the essence? Just as electricity can be falsely mistaken for its manifestations as light, heat and movement, we can see that it is only our mistaken concepts and perceptions that make energy appear as limited form. Maya means seeing the form without the essence.

We can be drawn into maya, like children distracted by toys given by the Mother. Our interest becomes diverted and we engage in play, forgetting our purpose. But we also have the potential to recognize and understand the absolute creative power behind maya, the self-renewing power of consciousness. From this perspective, the world as creation has a reality but not an absolute reality.

Maya reigns in the physical, the mental and the emotional worlds and the ancient yogic texts tell us to conquer or dismantle these three worlds. To do so, we need to understand that whatever exists has its beginning in the unseen. Illusions and desires give creative energy its shape and form, just as a pot is formed from clay. We can change the shape as long as the clay is soft and we work with it, but once a concept has been fired in the kiln of emotions it requires great effort to destroy.

The physical, mental and emotional worlds are not really separate, but are interrelated aspects of the world of our own creation. The world we live in is our perception, and we project our own concepts onto it. We are responsible for what we project, even on a daily level to the people we interact with. We are responsible for the vibrations we emanate – our tone of voice, our facial expressions, our actions. Everything we do is an expression of ourselves – manipulated by egocentricity, by compassion, by understanding, by hatred, by whatever quality we choose. All the different qualities arise from the same energy.

The power of maya is enormous. Many people do not recognize their illusions for what they are because the desire for recognition, acceptance and value stands in the way. Some people dream of a paradise where everything is beautiful and perfect. Or worse, they imagine that if everyone else were like them, there would be no difficulties in the world.

Another of the biggest illusions is that the intellect can understand everything. The intellect is a tool, but it has no Light of its own just as the moon has no light without the sun. The intellect can create enormous illusions, and even though the illusions do not affect the inner Light, the fantasies can turn into heavy burdens that make it more difficult to approach the Light uprightly and openly. We need to stop giving our intellectual powers too much importance and instead turn our gaze within. There may come a point when the intellect demands tangible evidence and denies all spiritual experiences. But how can the intellect explain the mystical, which, like a flower’s fragrance, can emanate beyond form?

How can we understand the inherent power in our own illusions and take responsibility for them? It is the emotions in conjunction with the imagination and mental powers that bring illusion into existence. To conquer the emotional world, which is often quite murky, we have to bring in the Light – the light of understanding, the light of working with our own evolution. But then comes a temptation. From the glimmer of understanding we gain, we become victim to the illusion that we are already enlightened. It is not easy to meet ourselves at the gut level.

To accept the hard facts seems to be unnecessarily cruel. But it is the illusion itself that is the source of pain. Pain is caused by ignorance and by staying intentionally blind when experience has already taught us something different. For too long we have thought that we are victims of circumstance, when we actually have allowed ourselves to remain ignorant, seldom applying discrimination and conscious investigation to our experiences. We are too busy to go into depth and instead try to escape pain and disappointment by hoping it will go away. If intelligence were used properly there would be investigation, leading to a clearer perception of reality instead of a false one, which causes more pain.

Usually we are seeing through a veil, as if through sheer curtains with more sheer curtains behind them until finally the picture becomes hardly visible anymore. It is not that some greater power gives us information or a message or warning or invites expectation, then puts a veil over it. It is just that our ordinary perception and judgement form the veil.

We can be aware enough to know that we ourselves have put up the veils or screens. The desire to remove the screen will help it disappear. But the human mind will always be afflicted with occasional doubts and questions about our own worth. The more you become aware of the enormous power of cosmic energy the more you may wonder: “How can this human mind even approach it?”

A pioneer in bringing yoga to the West, Swami Sivananda Radha is the author of 10 classic books on yoga, including Kundalini Yoga for the West and Hatha Yoga: The Hidden Language. Her teachings focus on developing awareness and quality in life.


Monday, January 22, 2007

the naked truth

I am not a nudist. Hardly. So, why practice naked? In Swami Satchidananda's commentary on the Bhagavad Gita, he translates Nirvana as "mind nakedness – absolute serenity and peace. Your mind isn't clothed; your Self isn't covered or colored with anything. It's completely free. A totally liberated person is naked. The Self is naked, uncovered. That's the meaning of nirvana." Of course he is speaking metaphorically, and is referring to the mind more than the body. But why not apply this idea to the body?

When I started practicing naked, I felt freer. I felt liberated. My practice is my life prep, and by tapping into this liberation on my mat I began to feel more liberated out in the world (fully clothed). Matt Meko, who teaches naked classes in Seattle, had a similar realization. It's odd – just as an aside – but I feel no need to practice naked with other people. I have. I enjoyed the energy and the charged atmosphere but I'm more interested in the personal exploration when it comes to practicing naked.

The only thing that is truly mine and at my disposal in this life is my body. If the body is my most accessible tool to unite with the Divine, then it is in my best interest to get to know it completely on as many levels (gross and subtle) as possible. As I began to practice with less and less clothing, I started seeing more; how muscles react in shapes, and how bones rotate (or don't). For instance, I learned recently that because my left leg is a bit longer than my right, my left thigh wasn't moving onto the bone as much as the right thigh in Prasaritta. As I got naked more often I started feeling poses differently. Whether it was the feeling of the skin on the front of my rib cage beginning to graze the tops of my thighs in a forward bend, or the soles of my feet shaping around the flesh of my buttocks in Virasana, there was now more understanding and awareness of where my body connects and how it fits together like a puzzle.

My body is not perfect. I'm fully aware of that, and I'm also okay with it. I'm not always happy about my body's imperfections but that's life. What I have noticed is that because I look very closely at my body on a daily basis I've been able to make friends with the imperfect parts. It's just a body, it's not my Self.

There's a practical side to practicing naked: no laundry. It sounds a little simplistic but it's true. The original yogis didn't need the latest gear to alter their consciousness. Do I? Why should I? There are so many veils to hide behind already. All the fancy gear is just something else with which to fidget. It's status, and creates separation. But that's for another day... If the purpose of my showing up on my mat is to unite with the Divine, why not do so the way I was made by the Divine? God is fully aware of what I look like. Some would argue that as a yogi one should be modest and austere. I don't disagree. It simply depends on how you define modest and austere. If you choose to go with "placing a moderate estimate on one's abilities or worth," and "stern and cold in appearance or manner" as definitions, count me out. But if you choose "decent" and "unadorned", I'm right there. It reminds me of the Garden of Eden story. When Eve and Adam ate of the tree of knowledge, their brains started clouding their clear sight and they became ashamed of their pureness and their nakedness. I'm not ashamed. (see also the story of Dattatreya) If my body is my main tool for union, and if I am the instrument of God (Bhagavad Gita) and God's partner (Bible) why would I encumber myself with coverings and fabrics? Why not be naked and free?

At first, practicing naked made me feel vulnerable. Not so much now. I'm not afraid of being exposed on my own any more, and it's made me more willing to be vulnerable with others. I think that's great. That's been an unexpected benefit. This practice is, in my opinion, about stripping off the layers, and moving toward the essence of our own truth. It's a practice because as we remove layers, others have a way of showing up. Getting naked, getting dressed. Layers off, layers on. In the West we tend to start with the physical practice, and hopefully the other aspects of the practice become more accessible in time. So if I'm striving for this nirvana, this mind nakedness, why not bare it all? Sure is nice to be naked and free!

Om Namah Shivaya!
naked asanas by Vladimir Kalabin